Today is 28th March 2007 [wednesday]. he called me and told me that he'll be going to collect his road tax, he says he reached there he will sms me, but he didnt. this is dunno how many times he lie to me, he say he will but end up is just lie...
then i called him twice, the second time he then picked up and show me attitude, he shout at me over the phone that he is riding bike. at that moment i was thinking, why the attitude you given to me is this kind?? why everythng you does you talk .. all you can ?? you let me feel totally disappointed in you for so many times since the day i married to you.. if you still like this towards me .. the only thing i'll do is i want divorce.. i cant tolerate and i cant always be the one keeps cry.. and keep give in to you.. i had enough of i keep changing and control my temper just to hope that wont have any quarrel with you.. and we can be properly together.. but until today.. you let me felt more tough to be with you..
i hint you too much time..this time i really going to give up on us.. you make me feel terrible upset on you ... the thing you done the thing you says out during our arguement or quarrelment..
Be with you for a year plus, i myself have put heart to be with you but now i think n think -- it's doesnt worth it for you to keep treating me like this.. Time has tells tat the you really up to this date, you stilll don't know how to cherish me!!
It's time to tell myself to give up on you.. you really hurt e alot.. and not just a word of sorry can really solved.. even if forgive you, you will still continued to make the mistake.. you won't cherish me!!! this is what i have told you for upteem of time... you always think you are always right though you didnt says out...
i know afetr i leave you .. you will be more happy.. i step back .. im really tired of the way you keep towards me.................................................................................................................................................
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Today is 23 January 2007. Thought that will be happy going out.. But the outcome was not as what I think.. Meet him at my home downstair at 720pm.. And it was so unlucky that it’s shower rain abit.. So decided to wait for no rain then we moved off.. At the void deck, I want to see his hp.. As I saw there is a unread message.. He didn’t wanted me to looked at his mobile.. But at last he let me see but he wasn’t satisfied..and keep say that return my hp to me.. Because of this we started to have some quarrel..
I’m thinking why are you treating me like this? Why you become so impatient to me? Why I sad I hurt by you, why I can’t even cry? Why I be with you I can’t eve tell you how I feeling? Why you just simply don’t care about me? Why you let me feel so hurt? Why you can just talk whatever you like, but why I can’t? why you always had so much excuses to me, but yet your reason is not that reasonable? Why you can talk loud to me, yet I can’t.. even If I talk back loud to you, it will only make you more not satisfied with me, but it wasn’t fair to me.. It’s been a lot of times I been hinting you.. But you simply just won’t hear in…
You say that I always say divorce.. Always say this and that…. But have you ownself thought of why I like this… you never even think about it.. Cause you simply don’t care.. Imagine if I am just like your pattern towards you.. Our marriage won’t be until now still together…
You let me very lost towards our marriage.. I don’t know what to do… being with you.. I seems like got to be a mute.. Which what is troubles about me .. What between us what went wrong.. Also can’t say … I really very hurt… that why I will cry so much, you really hurt me, hurt me very deep… do you know… after you send me back home, I back to my room and I cry again… I don’t know why you want towards me this way.. And yet you told me that you love me and want to adore me… why?????
And why whenever I told you, I try my best to salvage our marriage and try to talk to you properly, keep controlling my temper, hoping that you will also try to changed better.. But there isn’t anything …how do you want me to be with you when every time can’t communicate well???? How?? You breaking my heart…
Very much … till I now still feel very down…
Ken.. Is it I shall really leave you?? You can say those things that without me, you will be more better.. But do you know your these words are hurting me?????? Then when I say you treat me like shit.. Then you tell me don’t be with you since I says all these? What are you trying to hint me?????? Ask me to leave you, divorce with you???? Is it????? Then when you say those stuff, at the east coast park , then I ask you, you again show me attitude… is it fair to me???? Nope it’s NOT FAIR to me… you simply can say just say “I don’t want to talk , I don’t want to hear anymore”…. It’s really not fair to me……… I don’t know how far I still can endure… but the way you towards me.. Make me feel to goes off….
Thought that we can be happily till my rest of my life… but it’s seems like this path is very difficult for me to go on……… …… ……. If I really no with you… I got nothing to says…. I will take care myself…. After all you don’t have to worried anything about me…. However I’m nothing important to you…
Today is 24 January 2007. I called him after I bathe and I just finished my dinner.. Thought that he will miss me when I called him but … the way he talk to me, it’s seems like nothing…. Maybe he is busy, but the way he talk to his colleague, which is a girl.. I feel that the way he talk to her…. ….. He sound so happy …. But towards me, he always so fierce to me… he never had patient on me… and he had been keep work OT since for many weeks…I know he is because if wanted to earn much money.. But another feeling that he given me was that he don’t wish to accompany me whenever it’s my off day… he will back to work… …. And when I am working, then it’s his off day.. We two seems like hard to go on…
The way he to me, I really can’t tolerate, I worry that I will give up on him… I feel very hurt… I don’t know when then my pain will stopped….. ….
I know even I cry so much… he also won’t bother me…
At 7.44pm, he finally ring me.. Then I called back.. Then he explain to me.. But I don’t know whether is he telling me the true or no???? I hope that he will really in his mind and heart only has me a girl….. =(
Today is 25 January 2007. Again I cry… he forever won’t treat me good… he won’t know what I m thinking and what I really need from him….
Telling him all these … that he always work so late , and really no time for me… but he just never care …. And he say he is very busy and he won’t spend time on me…. This sentence came out from his mouth… I really feel heartbreaks… I don’t know what he really want .. Maybe I leave him is the best … I won’t cry for him … and he also won’t be bother so much about me… anyway he doesn’t really care for me so much ..
Keep remind him ot ake leave on Sheila birthday, and he will tell me this and that.. Later then I take .. I very busy .. Then he say Monday then apply… even Sheila birthday he also doesn’t put it in his heart…. He no care at all……………. He expect me to just like a mute anything that he don’t like to hear … I must be quiet then he will say then there won’t be any quarrel… BUT DO YOU KNOW IM NAN SHOU ANOT??? DO U KNOW WHAT I NEED?? DO U KNOW HOW I FEEL THE MOST IMPORTANTLY???? YOU LT ME FEEL IM JUST ALONE… EVEN U ARE BESIDE ME … I OSO CANT SAY ANYTHING THAT I WANTED TELL U … I FEEL XIN KU… VERY NAN SHOU…
WHEN EVERYTIME I TALK SOFT TO YOU.. YOU DON’T EVEN LISTEN IN… WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO????? WHEN EVERYTIME QUARREL OR WHATEVER YOU JUST WILL ESCAPE… U’LL ALWAYS GIVE ME THE SAME ANSWER…. I DON’T WANT TO TALK ANYMORE, I DON’T WISH TO HEAR….U REALLY TOO UNFAIR TO ME….. I CAN GIVE IN TO YOU… BUT HAVE YOU REALLY CAN SPARE PATIENT TO ME???? YOU CAN’T… YOU WILL FOREVER LIKE THIS TO ME…. AM I GOING TO BE LIKE THAT ACCEPT YOUR EVEYTHING TO BE WITH YOU???? IM A HUMAN I GOT FEELING … I NEED YOU WHENVER IM DOWN… AND NOT THAT I CRY, YOU SHOUT MORE LOUDER ON ME…. OR ASK ME NOT TO CRY INFRONT OF YOU?????!!! HOW CAN YOU LIKE THIS TO ME???? IM YOUR WIFE… IF I DON’T EVEN TELL U .. WHO IM GG TO TELL??? YOU NEVER THINK OF MY FEELING!!! YOU JUST EXPECT ME TO BE WHAT U WANT ME TO BE - BE GOOD AND LET YOU ADORE??? IM HUMAN!!!!!!! PLS DON’T LIKE THIS TO ME!! I CAN’T TALKE IT…. IN PUBLIC YOU CAN TALK TO ME LOUD SCREAM AT ME.. WALKED AWAY .. LEAVE ME ALONE AT THERE.. IGNORE ME IGNORE MY FEELING… AND AFTER THE QUARREL, YOU WILL SAY IS ME WHO MAKE U TILL LIKE THIS????!!!!
“ CAN I ASK YOU.. WHEN THE WAY YOU LIKE THIS TO ME LIKE THIS TREAT ME… DO YOU REALLY FEEL THE PAIN ????? CAN YOU FEEL IM VERY NAN SHOU??????? CAN YOU?????? I KNOW THE ANSWER IS YOU WON’T FEEL ANYTHING… CAUSE IF YOU WILL FEEL HOW I FEEL .. YOU WILL NEVER LIKE THIS TOWARDS ME… YOU BEGAN TO TREAT ME MORE AND MORE WHAT…” YOU SHOULD KNOW I REALLY CAN’T HOLD ANYMORE… I REALLY DON’T KNOW HOW LONG I STILL CAN TAKE IT……. BUT IF ONE DAY I REALLY CAN’T TAKE IT…. I REALLY WILL LEAVE YOU… IM SERIOUS… I DON’T WANT ALWAYS YOU LIKE THIS TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IF I LEAVE YOU , IS ALSO NOTHING TO YOU, YOU WON’T FEEL ANYTHING .. THEN I KNOW OUR MARRIAGE IS REALLY A NOTHING TO YOU.. AND ME ALSO NOTHING TO YOU!!!! HURT ME SO MUCH IS YOU .. LET ME CRY SO MUCH AND SUFFER SO MUCH MISERY IS YOU… LET ME FEEL HAPPINESS IS YOU AND ENDING YOU BREAKS MY HEART DEEPLY………………
I’m thinking why are you treating me like this? Why you become so impatient to me? Why I sad I hurt by you, why I can’t even cry? Why I be with you I can’t eve tell you how I feeling? Why you just simply don’t care about me? Why you let me feel so hurt? Why you can just talk whatever you like, but why I can’t? why you always had so much excuses to me, but yet your reason is not that reasonable? Why you can talk loud to me, yet I can’t.. even If I talk back loud to you, it will only make you more not satisfied with me, but it wasn’t fair to me.. It’s been a lot of times I been hinting you.. But you simply just won’t hear in…
You say that I always say divorce.. Always say this and that…. But have you ownself thought of why I like this… you never even think about it.. Cause you simply don’t care.. Imagine if I am just like your pattern towards you.. Our marriage won’t be until now still together…
You let me very lost towards our marriage.. I don’t know what to do… being with you.. I seems like got to be a mute.. Which what is troubles about me .. What between us what went wrong.. Also can’t say … I really very hurt… that why I will cry so much, you really hurt me, hurt me very deep… do you know… after you send me back home, I back to my room and I cry again… I don’t know why you want towards me this way.. And yet you told me that you love me and want to adore me… why?????
And why whenever I told you, I try my best to salvage our marriage and try to talk to you properly, keep controlling my temper, hoping that you will also try to changed better.. But there isn’t anything …how do you want me to be with you when every time can’t communicate well???? How?? You breaking my heart…
Very much … till I now still feel very down…
Ken.. Is it I shall really leave you?? You can say those things that without me, you will be more better.. But do you know your these words are hurting me?????? Then when I say you treat me like shit.. Then you tell me don’t be with you since I says all these? What are you trying to hint me?????? Ask me to leave you, divorce with you???? Is it????? Then when you say those stuff, at the east coast park , then I ask you, you again show me attitude… is it fair to me???? Nope it’s NOT FAIR to me… you simply can say just say “I don’t want to talk , I don’t want to hear anymore”…. It’s really not fair to me……… I don’t know how far I still can endure… but the way you towards me.. Make me feel to goes off….
Thought that we can be happily till my rest of my life… but it’s seems like this path is very difficult for me to go on……… …… ……. If I really no with you… I got nothing to says…. I will take care myself…. After all you don’t have to worried anything about me…. However I’m nothing important to you…
Today is 24 January 2007. I called him after I bathe and I just finished my dinner.. Thought that he will miss me when I called him but … the way he talk to me, it’s seems like nothing…. Maybe he is busy, but the way he talk to his colleague, which is a girl.. I feel that the way he talk to her…. ….. He sound so happy …. But towards me, he always so fierce to me… he never had patient on me… and he had been keep work OT since for many weeks…I know he is because if wanted to earn much money.. But another feeling that he given me was that he don’t wish to accompany me whenever it’s my off day… he will back to work… …. And when I am working, then it’s his off day.. We two seems like hard to go on…
The way he to me, I really can’t tolerate, I worry that I will give up on him… I feel very hurt… I don’t know when then my pain will stopped….. ….
I know even I cry so much… he also won’t bother me…
At 7.44pm, he finally ring me.. Then I called back.. Then he explain to me.. But I don’t know whether is he telling me the true or no???? I hope that he will really in his mind and heart only has me a girl….. =(
Today is 25 January 2007. Again I cry… he forever won’t treat me good… he won’t know what I m thinking and what I really need from him….
Telling him all these … that he always work so late , and really no time for me… but he just never care …. And he say he is very busy and he won’t spend time on me…. This sentence came out from his mouth… I really feel heartbreaks… I don’t know what he really want .. Maybe I leave him is the best … I won’t cry for him … and he also won’t be bother so much about me… anyway he doesn’t really care for me so much ..
Keep remind him ot ake leave on Sheila birthday, and he will tell me this and that.. Later then I take .. I very busy .. Then he say Monday then apply… even Sheila birthday he also doesn’t put it in his heart…. He no care at all……………. He expect me to just like a mute anything that he don’t like to hear … I must be quiet then he will say then there won’t be any quarrel… BUT DO YOU KNOW IM NAN SHOU ANOT??? DO U KNOW WHAT I NEED?? DO U KNOW HOW I FEEL THE MOST IMPORTANTLY???? YOU LT ME FEEL IM JUST ALONE… EVEN U ARE BESIDE ME … I OSO CANT SAY ANYTHING THAT I WANTED TELL U … I FEEL XIN KU… VERY NAN SHOU…
WHEN EVERYTIME I TALK SOFT TO YOU.. YOU DON’T EVEN LISTEN IN… WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO????? WHEN EVERYTIME QUARREL OR WHATEVER YOU JUST WILL ESCAPE… U’LL ALWAYS GIVE ME THE SAME ANSWER…. I DON’T WANT TO TALK ANYMORE, I DON’T WISH TO HEAR….U REALLY TOO UNFAIR TO ME….. I CAN GIVE IN TO YOU… BUT HAVE YOU REALLY CAN SPARE PATIENT TO ME???? YOU CAN’T… YOU WILL FOREVER LIKE THIS TO ME…. AM I GOING TO BE LIKE THAT ACCEPT YOUR EVEYTHING TO BE WITH YOU???? IM A HUMAN I GOT FEELING … I NEED YOU WHENVER IM DOWN… AND NOT THAT I CRY, YOU SHOUT MORE LOUDER ON ME…. OR ASK ME NOT TO CRY INFRONT OF YOU?????!!! HOW CAN YOU LIKE THIS TO ME???? IM YOUR WIFE… IF I DON’T EVEN TELL U .. WHO IM GG TO TELL??? YOU NEVER THINK OF MY FEELING!!! YOU JUST EXPECT ME TO BE WHAT U WANT ME TO BE - BE GOOD AND LET YOU ADORE??? IM HUMAN!!!!!!! PLS DON’T LIKE THIS TO ME!! I CAN’T TALKE IT…. IN PUBLIC YOU CAN TALK TO ME LOUD SCREAM AT ME.. WALKED AWAY .. LEAVE ME ALONE AT THERE.. IGNORE ME IGNORE MY FEELING… AND AFTER THE QUARREL, YOU WILL SAY IS ME WHO MAKE U TILL LIKE THIS????!!!!
“ CAN I ASK YOU.. WHEN THE WAY YOU LIKE THIS TO ME LIKE THIS TREAT ME… DO YOU REALLY FEEL THE PAIN ????? CAN YOU FEEL IM VERY NAN SHOU??????? CAN YOU?????? I KNOW THE ANSWER IS YOU WON’T FEEL ANYTHING… CAUSE IF YOU WILL FEEL HOW I FEEL .. YOU WILL NEVER LIKE THIS TOWARDS ME… YOU BEGAN TO TREAT ME MORE AND MORE WHAT…” YOU SHOULD KNOW I REALLY CAN’T HOLD ANYMORE… I REALLY DON’T KNOW HOW LONG I STILL CAN TAKE IT……. BUT IF ONE DAY I REALLY CAN’T TAKE IT…. I REALLY WILL LEAVE YOU… IM SERIOUS… I DON’T WANT ALWAYS YOU LIKE THIS TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IF I LEAVE YOU , IS ALSO NOTHING TO YOU, YOU WON’T FEEL ANYTHING .. THEN I KNOW OUR MARRIAGE IS REALLY A NOTHING TO YOU.. AND ME ALSO NOTHING TO YOU!!!! HURT ME SO MUCH IS YOU .. LET ME CRY SO MUCH AND SUFFER SO MUCH MISERY IS YOU… LET ME FEEL HAPPINESS IS YOU AND ENDING YOU BREAKS MY HEART DEEPLY………………
Today is 12 January 2007. It’s the most unhappy day for this year of 2007.. It’s raining the whole.. Day ..thought that he will want come down look for me.. But don’t have .. He give me a lot of excuses that I cant’t accept it.. He say he don’t like to take umbrella out… then he say see first … called me later .. He says don’t know want meet not.. Then in the starting … he say he miss me all things.. What’s all about? You changed towards me .. You just say out.. Don’t give me all this rubbish of excuses.. I toward you disappointed .. There’s only I can say that I towards this marriage already won’t pinned on any hopes..
I now know that after married to you is like this .. I’m just all along a fool… okay I will not bother anything anymore.. This marriage .. Up to you to go and decide.. Disappointed in you… I can’t believe that you will like that to me… don’t say I quarrel with you this time.. You giving me from head to toe. Too much excuses… fine… I won’t shed a tears for you… you are not worth for me to cry on … I hate you .. I hate the way you treat me..
After divorce, we will not owe each other!!! Bye ..you force me to it…
Today is 13 January 2007. Never quarrel today.. It’s seems like I’m giving in to him .. And everything seems to be fine.. No quarrel.. I wonder is it I should be like this .. Keep on giving in … I’m hurting myself once again.. But however, I hope he will really know I’m stepping back and keep let him … I just don’t want to end this marriage.. I don’t want to be painful… again and again .. I hope he will really know… that I’m changing.. But if he doesn’t really … care about me…. My feels.. Then I really got nothing to say.. Love can’t be forced.. And sometimes two party together .. It’s not to say who is right who is wrong.. It’s that the only thing to ask yourself is that “can you accept everything bad and good about him?” if u can accept , then just carry on.. If you can’t accept, then you got think abut the rest of the years down the road you’ll be facing many problems…again got to think it very careful… “can you accept?”
For me, I think I had changed a lot.. Keep deluding myself.. Keep crying… keep give in .. I’m just a nothing to him…but I really wish that god will be fair to me.. Please.. I really don’t want to keep at home facing the four wall keep thinking and cry and waiting for him to release work.. Please be fair to me…!!!!!!
TO YOU: I hope you will really love me.. Adore care me… pamper me…really use your whole heart to treasure me… if you don’t.. then I really nothing can say … now you had already married me since the day we ROM on 16 October 2006 , married on the same day as your BIRTHDAY 1st November 2006... I hope you remember the commitment you giving me… and please think back of the happiness we had share… before… PLEASE don’t hurt me again ………
“Never hurt a person that you love”
“Never leave a person behind that you love”
And lastly, will you really stay with me by my side forever till old??? Will you keep your promises?? I really hope you will. As I don’t want to get cheat by anyone else…I wish you’ll be my last man of my life =( will you ?????????or you’ll want to leave me one day??????????
I now know that after married to you is like this .. I’m just all along a fool… okay I will not bother anything anymore.. This marriage .. Up to you to go and decide.. Disappointed in you… I can’t believe that you will like that to me… don’t say I quarrel with you this time.. You giving me from head to toe. Too much excuses… fine… I won’t shed a tears for you… you are not worth for me to cry on … I hate you .. I hate the way you treat me..
After divorce, we will not owe each other!!! Bye ..you force me to it…
Today is 13 January 2007. Never quarrel today.. It’s seems like I’m giving in to him .. And everything seems to be fine.. No quarrel.. I wonder is it I should be like this .. Keep on giving in … I’m hurting myself once again.. But however, I hope he will really know I’m stepping back and keep let him … I just don’t want to end this marriage.. I don’t want to be painful… again and again .. I hope he will really know… that I’m changing.. But if he doesn’t really … care about me…. My feels.. Then I really got nothing to say.. Love can’t be forced.. And sometimes two party together .. It’s not to say who is right who is wrong.. It’s that the only thing to ask yourself is that “can you accept everything bad and good about him?” if u can accept , then just carry on.. If you can’t accept, then you got think abut the rest of the years down the road you’ll be facing many problems…again got to think it very careful… “can you accept?”
For me, I think I had changed a lot.. Keep deluding myself.. Keep crying… keep give in .. I’m just a nothing to him…but I really wish that god will be fair to me.. Please.. I really don’t want to keep at home facing the four wall keep thinking and cry and waiting for him to release work.. Please be fair to me…!!!!!!
TO YOU: I hope you will really love me.. Adore care me… pamper me…really use your whole heart to treasure me… if you don’t.. then I really nothing can say … now you had already married me since the day we ROM on 16 October 2006 , married on the same day as your BIRTHDAY 1st November 2006... I hope you remember the commitment you giving me… and please think back of the happiness we had share… before… PLEASE don’t hurt me again ………
“Never hurt a person that you love”
“Never leave a person behind that you love”
And lastly, will you really stay with me by my side forever till old??? Will you keep your promises?? I really hope you will. As I don’t want to get cheat by anyone else…I wish you’ll be my last man of my life =( will you ?????????or you’ll want to leave me one day??????????
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Raining day =( i am thinking of u
Today is 11 January 2007.. Wah it has been raining almost whole day le leh .. Now still raining lor.. Sian ..I felt very weird feeling.. I feel that he doesn’t love me anymore liao.. I’m now keep hurting myself.. Last night we quarrel.. Cause of I asking him something which is personal.. The answer that he given to me was like lying to me.. I can see it from eyes.. And the more I asked the more he denied.. Then I keep still asking and ask.. I thought he will be true to me but then he got fed up and talk back loud to me… and he says since you don’t trust me then I will let you be… and he won’t bother so much about me… and also he says that he towards me ..he felt fan gan … do you know this sentence hurts my feel a lot??? I guess you won’t know it… even I was crying very worst .. To you , you see that I crying … you will only scold me cry for what ?? But does your heart feel pain that I’m crying??? You won’t .. you won’t already.. You had says to me so obviously that you very fan gan to me.. I don’t know what to do?? Am I supposed to act as I never hear hear anything those hurtful words you say out from your mouth??? I am your wife yet you treat me just like an enemy.. Never had patient to me…. I know .. I know you towards me now has changed.. even I leave you one day.. It’s all nothing to you.. It’s not important.. You will be happy .. After I had leave you.. I know it.. I’m just deluding myself … I don’t’ want to face the fact that you towards me had really changed .. no more love me as much as last time…
Whenever you working.. When I called you.. You hear my voice.. You seems like wanted to hang up as soon as possible (the feeling that you given me) & you will tell me that I’m busy .. … I know.. Sometimes you are really busy with the task that you are holding on.. But can’t you just talk to me the way properly ??? Don’t let me feel strange .. ..
I’m worry .. I scare that I can’t hold our marriage anymore… the more you like this towards me.. The more I hurt myself.. Sorry .. I really don’t know what will happened between us… …….
I still remember the day you proposed to me, the commitment that you had given me.. You says you will love me, adore, pamper, care me .. you says you will not changed and you says you want to take care of me for the rest of your life.. You wanted to be with me …. Till old… you says you will never leave me alone again at outside… you say you will not lie me .. You say you will not smoke again… but all this promises.. You had already breaks how many times… do you know it’s hurtful??? And do you still remember the day you bring me to tampines mall ?? And we went to every of the jewellery shops to see our engagement rings??? And after so many of the shop.. Last station.. Soo kee jewellery and I saw that ring very special and I like it very much without notice the cost of the ring…. You knew that I like that ring so much .. You decided to bought.. And inside of the ring… we requested to ask them help us to carve our name..your ring will has my name.. and mine will has your name..
I really miss the past times that we spending together.. But now no more like this already …
Whenever you working.. When I called you.. You hear my voice.. You seems like wanted to hang up as soon as possible (the feeling that you given me) & you will tell me that I’m busy .. … I know.. Sometimes you are really busy with the task that you are holding on.. But can’t you just talk to me the way properly ??? Don’t let me feel strange .. ..
I’m worry .. I scare that I can’t hold our marriage anymore… the more you like this towards me.. The more I hurt myself.. Sorry .. I really don’t know what will happened between us… …….
I still remember the day you proposed to me, the commitment that you had given me.. You says you will love me, adore, pamper, care me .. you says you will not changed and you says you want to take care of me for the rest of your life.. You wanted to be with me …. Till old… you says you will never leave me alone again at outside… you say you will not lie me .. You say you will not smoke again… but all this promises.. You had already breaks how many times… do you know it’s hurtful??? And do you still remember the day you bring me to tampines mall ?? And we went to every of the jewellery shops to see our engagement rings??? And after so many of the shop.. Last station.. Soo kee jewellery and I saw that ring very special and I like it very much without notice the cost of the ring…. You knew that I like that ring so much .. You decided to bought.. And inside of the ring… we requested to ask them help us to carve our name..your ring will has my name.. and mine will has your name..
I really miss the past times that we spending together.. But now no more like this already …
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Why you dun understand me??
Today is 10 Jan 2007. This few days I had been crying a lot of times.. I do no know why, what really went wrong between me and him. He got no patient on me whenever I talk to him. I feel very hurt of the words he say last night. And make me cry for more than an hours, but towards him, he hear me crying over the phone. The only action that he does is getting frustrated on me and the question he will asked is : “ u cry for what , I never betray you or do anything .. Can you stop cry or not?” His action .. Is a big impact to me.. He no care my feeling at all.. Maybe other people says are right.. He has changed and no longer loves me as much as last time he did. And he has totally lost interest on me.. All his mind thinking wasn’t me.. My heart very arch.. I really don’t know what am I supposed to do..
The world is so unfair, let me living in such a misery world.. Who can help me get out of it ??? Will you help me? I never did any harmful things to other, I save animal lives.. I so soft-hearted, yet this is the big gift, god gonna give me? Isn’t it unfair?? Why must you let me suffer from those guys hurt pain? Why? Why cant you be fair to me ? Let me be the same can have joy and happy .. I just want my life to be simple and full of joy.. Such a little request .. Is it too much to you? Why I met the guys all is one kind? Treat me good in the beginning but hurt me badly in the end? Why? Why is me? I really hate myself.. I’m weak .. No one will understand my life.. My whole concept of my story.. I only kept in my heart.. Tears is always rolling down whenever the night times comes and the lights are all off..
I called him again.. And ask him whether does he still has anything to talk to me? But he replies was just.. Very cold feeling.. And just say .. Nothing.. It’s seems like everything I say .. I do .. All is wrong.. He doesn’t really bother or care about me.. What am I going to do ? Is it I shall leave him?? Or?? I don’t know.. I only know I’m deeply hurt .. And only kept myself in the room crying.. Who knows I hurt .. Who care about I cry?? Nobody… My marriage .. Only one year plus.. And it’s just changed.. why don’t you just simply tell me that your love toward me has changed.. why don’t you tell me that “let’s divorce.. Rather that keep hurting… it’s seems like pushing away me .. .. You told me before if I divorce with you it will be better.. Cause you won’t be so stress.. I know your meaning.. I know I’m deluding myself.. I know.. But what I can do ??? I don’t want you to keep treat me like this… why does you never really use heart and understand me??? Why you keep letting me alone and alone crying in my room???? I hate it!!!! You won’t know… cause you won’t be patient to me…
Can you don’t like this to me? I just want is so simple.. Sometimes I talk.. Or say about something.. It doesn’t mean that I wanted to quarrel with you.. Why you just never give me more patient.. And also use your heart to try to understand what I’m talking to you.. My tears .. My pain… it’s been few days I keep crying… I need your care .. Your love … not that kind of tone treating me like an enemy…… I really don’t want you towards me… like this…….
The world is so unfair, let me living in such a misery world.. Who can help me get out of it ??? Will you help me? I never did any harmful things to other, I save animal lives.. I so soft-hearted, yet this is the big gift, god gonna give me? Isn’t it unfair?? Why must you let me suffer from those guys hurt pain? Why? Why cant you be fair to me ? Let me be the same can have joy and happy .. I just want my life to be simple and full of joy.. Such a little request .. Is it too much to you? Why I met the guys all is one kind? Treat me good in the beginning but hurt me badly in the end? Why? Why is me? I really hate myself.. I’m weak .. No one will understand my life.. My whole concept of my story.. I only kept in my heart.. Tears is always rolling down whenever the night times comes and the lights are all off..
I called him again.. And ask him whether does he still has anything to talk to me? But he replies was just.. Very cold feeling.. And just say .. Nothing.. It’s seems like everything I say .. I do .. All is wrong.. He doesn’t really bother or care about me.. What am I going to do ? Is it I shall leave him?? Or?? I don’t know.. I only know I’m deeply hurt .. And only kept myself in the room crying.. Who knows I hurt .. Who care about I cry?? Nobody… My marriage .. Only one year plus.. And it’s just changed.. why don’t you just simply tell me that your love toward me has changed.. why don’t you tell me that “let’s divorce.. Rather that keep hurting… it’s seems like pushing away me .. .. You told me before if I divorce with you it will be better.. Cause you won’t be so stress.. I know your meaning.. I know I’m deluding myself.. I know.. But what I can do ??? I don’t want you to keep treat me like this… why does you never really use heart and understand me??? Why you keep letting me alone and alone crying in my room???? I hate it!!!! You won’t know… cause you won’t be patient to me…
Can you don’t like this to me? I just want is so simple.. Sometimes I talk.. Or say about something.. It doesn’t mean that I wanted to quarrel with you.. Why you just never give me more patient.. And also use your heart to try to understand what I’m talking to you.. My tears .. My pain… it’s been few days I keep crying… I need your care .. Your love … not that kind of tone treating me like an enemy…… I really don’t want you towards me… like this…….
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