Today is 23 January 2007. Thought that will be happy going out.. But the outcome was not as what I think.. Meet him at my home downstair at 720pm.. And it was so unlucky that it’s shower rain abit.. So decided to wait for no rain then we moved off.. At the void deck, I want to see his hp.. As I saw there is a unread message.. He didn’t wanted me to looked at his mobile.. But at last he let me see but he wasn’t satisfied..and keep say that return my hp to me.. Because of this we started to have some quarrel..
I’m thinking why are you treating me like this? Why you become so impatient to me? Why I sad I hurt by you, why I can’t even cry? Why I be with you I can’t eve tell you how I feeling? Why you just simply don’t care about me? Why you let me feel so hurt? Why you can just talk whatever you like, but why I can’t? why you always had so much excuses to me, but yet your reason is not that reasonable? Why you can talk loud to me, yet I can’t.. even If I talk back loud to you, it will only make you more not satisfied with me, but it wasn’t fair to me.. It’s been a lot of times I been hinting you.. But you simply just won’t hear in…
You say that I always say divorce.. Always say this and that…. But have you ownself thought of why I like this… you never even think about it.. Cause you simply don’t care.. Imagine if I am just like your pattern towards you.. Our marriage won’t be until now still together…
You let me very lost towards our marriage.. I don’t know what to do… being with you.. I seems like got to be a mute.. Which what is troubles about me .. What between us what went wrong.. Also can’t say … I really very hurt… that why I will cry so much, you really hurt me, hurt me very deep… do you know… after you send me back home, I back to my room and I cry again… I don’t know why you want towards me this way.. And yet you told me that you love me and want to adore me… why?????
And why whenever I told you, I try my best to salvage our marriage and try to talk to you properly, keep controlling my temper, hoping that you will also try to changed better.. But there isn’t anything …how do you want me to be with you when every time can’t communicate well???? How?? You breaking my heart…
Very much … till I now still feel very down…
Ken.. Is it I shall really leave you?? You can say those things that without me, you will be more better.. But do you know your these words are hurting me?????? Then when I say you treat me like shit.. Then you tell me don’t be with you since I says all these? What are you trying to hint me?????? Ask me to leave you, divorce with you???? Is it????? Then when you say those stuff, at the east coast park , then I ask you, you again show me attitude… is it fair to me???? Nope it’s NOT FAIR to me… you simply can say just say “I don’t want to talk , I don’t want to hear anymore”…. It’s really not fair to me……… I don’t know how far I still can endure… but the way you towards me.. Make me feel to goes off….
Thought that we can be happily till my rest of my life… but it’s seems like this path is very difficult for me to go on……… …… ……. If I really no with you… I got nothing to says…. I will take care myself…. After all you don’t have to worried anything about me…. However I’m nothing important to you…


Today is 24 January 2007. I called him after I bathe and I just finished my dinner.. Thought that he will miss me when I called him but … the way he talk to me, it’s seems like nothing…. Maybe he is busy, but the way he talk to his colleague, which is a girl.. I feel that the way he talk to her…. ….. He sound so happy …. But towards me, he always so fierce to me… he never had patient on me… and he had been keep work OT since for many weeks…I know he is because if wanted to earn much money.. But another feeling that he given me was that he don’t wish to accompany me whenever it’s my off day… he will back to work… …. And when I am working, then it’s his off day.. We two seems like hard to go on…
The way he to me, I really can’t tolerate, I worry that I will give up on him… I feel very hurt… I don’t know when then my pain will stopped….. ….
I know even I cry so much… he also won’t bother me…
At 7.44pm, he finally ring me.. Then I called back.. Then he explain to me.. But I don’t know whether is he telling me the true or no???? I hope that he will really in his mind and heart only has me a girl….. =(


Today is 25 January 2007. Again I cry… he forever won’t treat me good… he won’t know what I m thinking and what I really need from him….
Telling him all these … that he always work so late , and really no time for me… but he just never care …. And he say he is very busy and he won’t spend time on me…. This sentence came out from his mouth… I really feel heartbreaks… I don’t know what he really want .. Maybe I leave him is the best … I won’t cry for him … and he also won’t be bother so much about me… anyway he doesn’t really care for me so much ..
Keep remind him ot ake leave on Sheila birthday, and he will tell me this and that.. Later then I take .. I very busy .. Then he say Monday then apply… even Sheila birthday he also doesn’t put it in his heart…. He no care at all……………. He expect me to just like a mute anything that he don’t like to hear … I must be quiet then he will say then there won’t be any quarrel… BUT DO YOU KNOW IM NAN SHOU ANOT??? DO U KNOW WHAT I NEED?? DO U KNOW HOW I FEEL THE MOST IMPORTANTLY???? YOU LT ME FEEL IM JUST ALONE… EVEN U ARE BESIDE ME … I OSO CANT SAY ANYTHING THAT I WANTED TELL U … I FEEL XIN KU… VERY NAN SHOU…
WHEN EVERYTIME I TALK SOFT TO YOU.. YOU DON’T EVEN LISTEN IN… WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO????? WHEN EVERYTIME QUARREL OR WHATEVER YOU JUST WILL ESCAPE… U’LL ALWAYS GIVE ME THE SAME ANSWER…. I DON’T WANT TO TALK ANYMORE, I DON’T WISH TO HEAR….U REALLY TOO UNFAIR TO ME….. I CAN GIVE IN TO YOU… BUT HAVE YOU REALLY CAN SPARE PATIENT TO ME???? YOU CAN’T… YOU WILL FOREVER LIKE THIS TO ME…. AM I GOING TO BE LIKE THAT ACCEPT YOUR EVEYTHING TO BE WITH YOU???? IM A HUMAN I GOT FEELING … I NEED YOU WHENVER IM DOWN… AND NOT THAT I CRY, YOU SHOUT MORE LOUDER ON ME…. OR ASK ME NOT TO CRY INFRONT OF YOU?????!!! HOW CAN YOU LIKE THIS TO ME???? IM YOUR WIFE… IF I DON’T EVEN TELL U .. WHO IM GG TO TELL??? YOU NEVER THINK OF MY FEELING!!! YOU JUST EXPECT ME TO BE WHAT U WANT ME TO BE - BE GOOD AND LET YOU ADORE??? IM HUMAN!!!!!!! PLS DON’T LIKE THIS TO ME!! I CAN’T TALKE IT…. IN PUBLIC YOU CAN TALK TO ME LOUD SCREAM AT ME.. WALKED AWAY .. LEAVE ME ALONE AT THERE.. IGNORE ME IGNORE MY FEELING… AND AFTER THE QUARREL, YOU WILL SAY IS ME WHO MAKE U TILL LIKE THIS????!!!!
“ CAN I ASK YOU.. WHEN THE WAY YOU LIKE THIS TO ME LIKE THIS TREAT ME… DO YOU REALLY FEEL THE PAIN ????? CAN YOU FEEL IM VERY NAN SHOU??????? CAN YOU?????? I KNOW THE ANSWER IS YOU WON’T FEEL ANYTHING… CAUSE IF YOU WILL FEEL HOW I FEEL .. YOU WILL NEVER LIKE THIS TOWARDS ME… YOU BEGAN TO TREAT ME MORE AND MORE WHAT…” YOU SHOULD KNOW I REALLY CAN’T HOLD ANYMORE… I REALLY DON’T KNOW HOW LONG I STILL CAN TAKE IT……. BUT IF ONE DAY I REALLY CAN’T TAKE IT…. I REALLY WILL LEAVE YOU… IM SERIOUS… I DON’T WANT ALWAYS YOU LIKE THIS TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IF I LEAVE YOU , IS ALSO NOTHING TO YOU, YOU WON’T FEEL ANYTHING .. THEN I KNOW OUR MARRIAGE IS REALLY A NOTHING TO YOU.. AND ME ALSO NOTHING TO YOU!!!! HURT ME SO MUCH IS YOU .. LET ME CRY SO MUCH AND SUFFER SO MUCH MISERY IS YOU… LET ME FEEL HAPPINESS IS YOU AND ENDING YOU BREAKS MY HEART DEEPLY………………