Today is 10 Jan 2007. This few days I had been crying a lot of times.. I do no know why, what really went wrong between me and him. He got no patient on me whenever I talk to him. I feel very hurt of the words he say last night. And make me cry for more than an hours, but towards him, he hear me crying over the phone. The only action that he does is getting frustrated on me and the question he will asked is : “ u cry for what , I never betray you or do anything .. Can you stop cry or not?” His action .. Is a big impact to me.. He no care my feeling at all.. Maybe other people says are right.. He has changed and no longer loves me as much as last time he did. And he has totally lost interest on me.. All his mind thinking wasn’t me.. My heart very arch.. I really don’t know what am I supposed to do..
The world is so unfair, let me living in such a misery world.. Who can help me get out of it ??? Will you help me? I never did any harmful things to other, I save animal lives.. I so soft-hearted, yet this is the big gift, god gonna give me? Isn’t it unfair?? Why must you let me suffer from those guys hurt pain? Why? Why cant you be fair to me ? Let me be the same can have joy and happy .. I just want my life to be simple and full of joy.. Such a little request .. Is it too much to you? Why I met the guys all is one kind? Treat me good in the beginning but hurt me badly in the end? Why? Why is me? I really hate myself.. I’m weak .. No one will understand my life.. My whole concept of my story.. I only kept in my heart.. Tears is always rolling down whenever the night times comes and the lights are all off..
I called him again.. And ask him whether does he still has anything to talk to me? But he replies was just.. Very cold feeling.. And just say .. Nothing.. It’s seems like everything I say .. I do .. All is wrong.. He doesn’t really bother or care about me.. What am I going to do ? Is it I shall leave him?? Or?? I don’t know.. I only know I’m deeply hurt .. And only kept myself in the room crying.. Who knows I hurt .. Who care about I cry?? Nobody… My marriage .. Only one year plus.. And it’s just changed.. why don’t you just simply tell me that your love toward me has changed.. why don’t you tell me that “let’s divorce.. Rather that keep hurting… it’s seems like pushing away me .. .. You told me before if I divorce with you it will be better.. Cause you won’t be so stress.. I know your meaning.. I know I’m deluding myself.. I know.. But what I can do ??? I don’t want you to keep treat me like this… why does you never really use heart and understand me??? Why you keep letting me alone and alone crying in my room???? I hate it!!!! You won’t know… cause you won’t be patient to me…
Can you don’t like this to me? I just want is so simple.. Sometimes I talk.. Or say about something.. It doesn’t mean that I wanted to quarrel with you.. Why you just never give me more patient.. And also use your heart to try to understand what I’m talking to you.. My tears .. My pain… it’s been few days I keep crying… I need your care .. Your love … not that kind of tone treating me like an enemy…… I really don’t want you towards me… like this…….
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